Building boundaries to keep the festive season stress free
Published:
December 10, 2024
Article type:
Keywords:
During the busy holiday period, a focus on boundaries can keep the ‘silly season’ manageable.
For many people, December is like Santa’s stocking – full of good things but stuffed to overflowing.
There may be extra pressures at work, as things wrap up for the year. Socially, there are lots of year-end and festive events to attend, and what seems like endless feasting.
For some of us, it is a joyful time, decorating the Christmas tree, baking, and catching up with friends and whānau. We crank up the tunes – with Mariah Carey and Micheal Bublé hits on repeat – and reflect on the year, with some attending religious services and giving to charity.
But for some, Christmas and the holiday season can be challenging.
There can be financial pressures to buy gifts. For those who have lost someone special, it can be tinged with grief and loneliness. For others, attending events may cause social anxiety. There may be challenging people and complicated family dynamics to navigate on Christmas Day. And for those experiencing addiction issues, the festive season can be particularly hard.
Christmas isn’t always a jolly time
Around nine in 10 adults in the USA (89%) said they felt stressed during the holiday season, according to a 2023 American Psychological Association survey.
The highest cause of stress during the holidays was financial concerns (58%), finding the right gifts (40%) and missing family or loved ones during the holidays (38%).
However, for most, the positives outweighed the negatives with four in five adults (80%) describing the Christmas holidays with positive words such as fun, joyous, and exciting.
Setting boundaries as a form of self-care
Whether this time of year fills you with cheer or fear, setting personal boundaries can be a powerful form of self-care to safeguard your mental health and wellbeing.
Boundaries are the invisible lines you set for yourself about how you want to be treated and what you’re willing to accept. An important part of setting boundaries is knowing how you will respond if those lines are crossed.
Try to set boundaries on your time, spending, and social engagements in December to reduce stress and help you to enjoy the festive season.
- Time boundaries: This time of year can feel hectic, so prioritise how you’ll spend your time. Let others know if you need to leave early or skip social gatherings. Pace yourself and honour your personal needs for downtime.
- Financial boundaries: Be transparent with friends or whānau about gift expectations. You may find that others are feeling anxious about finances and are keen on alternatives. Suggest doing Secret Santa, handmade gifts or homemade vouchers to do something together, or focus only on gifts for tamariki.
- Social boundaries: Managing obligations with whānau, friends and colleagues can feel overwhelming, so practice saying “no” when necessary. If you know that interactions with certain people may be stressful, limit your time with them or plan to step away or deescalate conversations if needed.
- Addiction boundaries: For people in recovery, plan ahead. Let hosts know your preferences, such as non-alcoholic options. Bring along a trusted support person to help you stay accountable and have a plan to exit gracefully if you feel overwhelmed. If food is a concern, bring a dish you are comfortable with.
How to communicate boundaries with loved ones
Don’t feel embarrassed about openly communicating your boundaries with friends or family. By taking a confident, transparent approach, you can reduce misunderstanding and help develop positive, honest relationships while supporting your wellbeing.
- Set clear expectations. Before gatherings, it’s okay to let people know you’ll avoid discussions about politics or other contentious topics, if you think they might occur.
- Use “I” statements. Try to phrase things positively, in a way that reflects your own situation and personal needs, such as, “I need to step outside for some air”, rather than “You are stressing me out.”
- Be thoughtful and kind in your communication. Think about other people’s feelings and show understanding, gratitude and appreciation where possible. For example, “Thanks for the invite but I can’t make it this time. I hope you have a wonderful day.” It’s always helpful to consider other people’s points of view or how they might receive your messages.
- Be specific. Let people know what you need and why, for example, “I’m focusing on my health, so I won’t be drinking this year.”
- Plan your response to pressure. If you experience pushback or argument from others, remain calm, reaffirm your boundary and redirect the conversation to a new topic.
- Deescalate conflicts. If a conversation or situation becomes heated, change the topic or excuse yourself. Calmly saying, “Let’s agree to disagree” can help. Sometimes, just walking away is better than continuing an argument.
By setting boundaries and prioritising your wellbeing, you can cruise through the holiday season and into 2025 with a spring in your step, ready for the new year.
Where to get help
If you or someone you know is having a hard time this holiday season, please know that you are not alone. There are many organisations, websites and other free resources in Aotearoa New Zealand that can support people and their whānau and friends. The following lists provide a good starting point. If you’d like to speak to someone, free call or text 1737 any time, 24 hours a day.
Learn more with MH101®
Blueprint for Learning’s MH101® workshop is focused on mental health, including how to recognise when someone is experiencing mental health challenges and how to support them while maintaining your own wellbeing.
